she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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