I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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