Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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