im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
