you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There are leaves in my underwear?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
