I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dick very happy bro
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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