you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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