I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
