Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
