I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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