Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
