If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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