I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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