I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
