I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jerry, you need to find god
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
