she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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