I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the liver wants what the liver wants
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
