Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
