OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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