i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
