Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
