Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't notice because vodka
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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