The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Small penises have feelings too.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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