At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
