no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
