I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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