So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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