We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
