I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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