just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
