i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
