just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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