Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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