Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
