3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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