You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
