Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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