Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
