i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
