Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
