Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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