I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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