i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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