She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
