just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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