i barfeds in our rink
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
