I should be sponsored by Trojan
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
