You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
