woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So many bounce houses so little time
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
false alarm, still single
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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