I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Damn victory sex feels great
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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