what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
