Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
