Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
