we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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