Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
