hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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