How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize