The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
