my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
