'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize