Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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