Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
