im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
