You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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