I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
