I just threw up on my dentist
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
