those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
