i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
