He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
