I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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