you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
