And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Watching her eat just hurts me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
