Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize