Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
