saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
