No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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