You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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